It is what it is
I found myself slipping into a funk for the last few weeks. Having COVID will have you re-evaluating your entire existence. For the last few weeks I’ve been in a deeply focused state of being that took me into an existential reflection mode. Not exactly a “crisis” - cuz I don’t feel any sense of panic. It’s quite the opposite in fact.
Today, I pulled an oracle card from one of my favorite decks (shout out to the creators of ‘Threads of Fate’) and the message was PATIENCE. Just Source’s way of reminding me to chill! I often refer to the phrase, “Slow and steady wins the race” as one of my mantras; especially in times of uncertainty or change. Which in this day and age seems like the “new normal” as things around us are in a constant state of both transformative change and unsettling uncertainty. Yet, here we are, steadily still trying to sustain some sense of normalcy in a totally unfamiliar world.
Before I go into my rabbit hole of why all this is happening right now … I’ll save that for another blog; I want to share a little more about this state of mind I’ve been in recently.
This has happened before. It happens quite frequently. I’m just one of those super reflective, intentional thinkers who is always in a state of either inquisition or wonder about what we are really all doing here anyway. There was a time that this state of “existential reflection” was triggered by a fear of not having enough. Over time, I’ve discovered that fear of “not having enough” was rooted in … where else but childhood trauma.
We picked up a lot of negative beliefs from our childhood. Even though our parents (most of them) meant well, they passed on a lot of their shitty beliefs onto us; particularly their beliefs about MONEY. In the past, if there was a shift in my cashflow, I would find myself revisiting this Existential Reflection Mode as a way to overcome or cope with the stress that comes when money isn’t flowing.
However, now I recognize that the Existential Reflection Mode is actual part of my default state of mind. I am often wondering what this is all about, what are we all here for and why do we keep trying to figure it out. It’s just that in the past, the only time I would sit still long enough to even allow my mind to consider these things, was when I was deep in prayerful thought.
Now, I allow myself to get into deep prayerful thought every day.
Something shifted for me when I was reminded that a pandemic is not anything for me to fear; it’s just another layer of this game of “Being Human” that we’re all collectively playing. There’s no need for me to allow negative beliefs from my childhood to infiltrate the life I’m creating now. Now, in this moment, I get to embrace the stability, security and freedom that my life allows and be in a deliberate state of gratitude for it.
Also, I still get to have thoughts like, “Nothing really matters” or “Money isn’t real” or “We are all gonna die one day anyway, so we may as well just … do nothing” - it’s okay to have existential thoughts. There’s nothing wrong about it. It may not always be the most productive. However that’s based what productive means to you.
What is that all about anyway? Why are we all so focused on doing stuff all the damn time?
This is where I am today. Except this time, I did not arrive here out of fear. I arrived here out because of a sense of knowing that … it is what is.
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